The Yahtzee Mythos: 1 Day an Introduction

Ben "Yatzee" Cronshaw is a name that, by now, you are likely familiar with. Every Wednesday he publishes a new installment of Zero Punctuation on the increasingly pretentious and turgid but still excellent Escapist website. What Zero Punctuation does is pretty common internet fare -- video reviews, breathlessly delivered by an Englishman-by-way-of-Australia just seething with contempt at all the dumb and predictable things developers continue to shove in their games, complemented by incredibly crude drawings of horrific violence and phalluses -- but unlike most videogame-related humor things, it's astonishingly funny and has garnered a lot of acclaim from the sort of people who acclaim these sorts of things. The primary audience for Zero Punctuation are message board readers and blog commentary writers, the kind of enthusiast blindly loyal to one gigantic monolithic corporation or another - corporations, it should be noted, that care not one whit about their fanboys, so long as money keeps flowing into their coffers -but the humor isn't so niche as to be unintelligible to the lay-person. The humor must have some broad appeal: although they should hate his guts, partisan fanboy-types still flock to Zero Punctuation to watch Yatzee express his universal disdain for their favorite franchises.

Every major videogame blog has caught onto this. The Kotakus and Joystiqs of the world embed the newest episode of Zero Punctuation in blog entries and post that shiznat the second it goes live; far easier to generate those all important ad-revenue generating clicks by repurposing other people's content than it is to write compelling things themselves, I bet! Heh.

It's possible that the like four people who read my blog haven't seen Zero Punctuation yet, however, so I'm going to take a page from the real bloggers and repurpose Yatzee's content right now. After all, I barely write anything, let alone anything compelling! I gotta find a way to generate those clicks, get that ad revenue up, maybe get some ads, make a living off of this... anyway, here's a review of Army of Two:



Eh? Eh?

Well, I still think it's hilarious.

Before Mr. Cronshaw achieved his current level of notoriety, however, he was famous among an even more niche and dorky group of people than Escapist readers -- amateur/indie adventure game scenesters.

A few years ago, Yahtzee created a few random series of games using the Adventure Game Studio (AGS). His first brush with success came when the "Rob Blanc Trilogy," a series of comedy games I'm never going to play because all the graphics were created in MS Paint. Fuck that. I assume they were funny, or at least not egregiously not funny. That's not what I want to talk about, though. I want to talk about Cronshaw's ambitious series of horror games, formally entitled the Chzo Mythos: 5 Days a Stranger; 7 Days a Skeptic; Trilby's Notes; and 6 Days a Sacrifice, because I've played them, all of them, to completion (mostly)!

I fully expected to hate the games, because they're adventure games, and divorced from the syrupy taint of nostalgia, adventure games are a tough sell. Shakespeare was one of the first to denounce these things, memorably writing "An Al Lowe game is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." The vast majority of indie adventure game developers are kids who grew up playing Sierra & LucasArts games, where psychologically profiling Roberta Williams or Ron Gilbert was kinda the only way to solve puzzles. In other words, people almost exactly like me, but delusional.

So one must temper enthusiasm when admiring the hefty shelf of virtual awards the AGS community has awarded the Chzo Mythos. Seriously, the AGS community is pretty excited whenever a game doesn't use any of the five pieces of clip art present in every other AGS game on the market. One of the major selling points of 5 Days a Stranger is that Yahtzee did all the art himself, in Photoshop. All the animations, too. Almost no one who makes these little games even bothers to do that. When a community embraces and loves a game because someone bothered to create their own artwork for it, that tells you something. Not that every AGS game I've played is bad -- quite the opposite! -- but some of the better ones are not free and therefore dead to the AGS diehards. I can't understand how upsetting it must be, discovering a developer with the audacity to charge a couple bucks for their really well-done, incredibly interesting rabbinical adventure of mourning and mystery, but that's just the culture we live in today. As we've just seen with Braid, $5 can seem like a staggering amount of money to the sort of dude that bought Halo 3 with the cat helmet.

Before I even started playing any of Yahtzee's oeuvre, I toyed around with a "Zero Punctuation"-style takedown of these little freeware adventure games, only with ponderously slow narration and images of polar bears and walruses maniacally spinning like Spyrographs instead of comedy drawings on yellow backdrops. That'd show Yahtzee how it feels to have someone's hard work demolished in 2 minutes!

However, I dropped that elaborate and not particularly clever plan: firstly, by coming to terms with my own enormous limitations as a voice actor and animator, and secondly, after enjoying 5 Days a Stranger quite a bit. It is evident that Yahtzee has some understanding of game design, which ads some weight to his critiques, and because of this his acerbic ranting on the failings of other games are more than just disposable fun; they are rough sketches of a wise man's brain that hint at the things Yahtzee might want to put in a "real" game if given the time and resources.

Coming in the near future -- like, later today hopefully -- a look at 5 DAYS A STRANGER & 7 DAYS A SKEPTIC

Early Metal Gear Solid 4 Impressions (Minus World Edition)

I've no idea what to make of Metal Gear Solid 4 yet -- is it an excellent, satisfying, mechanically sound experience of tactical espionage action or is it a wildly ambitious, staggeringly uneven examination of every half-developed idea Kojima drew on the back of a Ghost in the Shell trade paperback one afternoon? Can I dismiss it as a $100 million dollar vanity project with gameplay not all that radically different from a 1990 MSX2 game and this archaic approach to cut-scenes straight outta "Silliwood"?

No, no, no, a thousand times no. It's all irrelevant!

MGS4 is nearly an elegy; at a time when every game on the 360/PS3 is flashy, underwritten shooter garbage, the gutsiness, uniqueness -- straight-up Metal Gear-ness of this game is refreshing as hell.

While sometimes very frustrating to play (fuck you, tracking mission in Act II) MGS4 gets the perfect balance between stealth and action better than anyone. After I beat the game, I'll think about organizing my thoughts and posting something here. Then I probably won't do it, considering my output so far.

Random Fun Fact About My Manual Dexterity: This new, improved control scheme is much more logical and sensible, and I am sure most people will grasp the basics with ease. Most people are not me. After 8 or so hours playing, I'm still turning the wrong way all the time. When moving the camera, I need both the x and y axis inverted on the right analog stick -- which really fucks everything up as soon as I hit L1 and start aiming. It's... really weird. Dragon Quest VIII ruined intuitive right stick controls for me, or something.

Sneak Preview of Next Post

What do Pocky & Rocky & a Tiawanese pirate version of Soul Caliber have in common? STAY TUNED!

The Princess is in another castle!

I've done a fairly poor job getting this project up and running, haven't I?

Let's just pretend we're in pre-alpha right now.

And work is being done, both editorially and in the art direction. The target date for the revamp (or more accurately, the vamp) and launch of another unnecessary videogame e-zine: February 22, 2008.

I'll still throw up some random reviews, editorials, and game-related observations before then, hopefully on Sunday evenings. We'll see, of course. I've underachieved many times before.

Anyway: my review of Bucky O'Hare for the NES will be up tomorrow, if I can find the time to revise the text and capture some screens.